Sparkle and Fade - 30

"Thank you for reading my personal advertisement. I understand that your time is valuable and appreciate your visit.

Single, young male seeking passionate one-month affair. You must love Twilight. Your love for Twilight must equal my hate for Twilight. Please note that I hate everything about the book, the movie and everything associated with it. I hate the writer Stephenie Meyer (who spells "Stephenie" like that?), I hate Robert Pattinson, I hate Second Assistant Cazz Duffy....I hate so much...

My hope is that these deep feelings will spark unbridled passion and within a few hours, good humping times. While I doubt passion such as ours is likely to last, I guarantee you good times. Please note that good times = me yelling at you until I'm hoarse because if you like "Twilight" and you're over 21, the government should come in and tie your tubes with a soddering iron.

Call me!"



Maybe eugenics wasn't such a bad idea afterall.

i have depression, you have depression, let's cuddle - 25

"having depression really really sucks. let's try to make the best of it by being depression cuddle buddies! you remember the times when you weren't depressed with sorrow. days freaking drag by into each other. sleep is a problem, eating is annoying. you dont think anyone is going to want to be with you because you have depression. your friends get sick of it. blah. there must be something therapeutic in human touch. i'm not looking for a deep long term relationship necessarily, just an understanding and compassionate co-depression ate with some healing touch. i'm a fairly attractive 25 year old guy i was in shape a few months ago. i can talk about anything and i like good conversation!"



This sounds so...depressing.

"Bi male seeking BBW Must naughty LTR"

"Hi i,m a bi male i love dressing up like a girl i,m very passable i,m looking for a plump pretty lady with whom i can share my life you have to be as naughty as i am. I do get a taste for black men at times being bi and would love to have an understanding mate who would join in with my escapades i,m desease free and would love for you to live with me we can keep this our secret to friends and family and can be two filthy sexy ladies in our spare time"





I'm concerned about the supportive potential of that bra.

"Racist Roleplay" - 44

"My intent is not to offend but to act our a fantasy of a dom white guy and a submissive black woman. I have exceptional skills. Words, actions, nothing crazy, violent, or dangerous. All limits respected."



Yes, master.

"I wrote a poem. - 32"

"Potential
"Are mirages causing the false beliefs which are preventing someone from fully dedicating themselves to the Catholic religion which would provide a much happier way of life?" What do you think of it?"


I'm pretty sure this is just a sentence, dude.

"Lady's Run me over and park on me! - 45"

"Lady's I am looking to break a Guinness worlds record, by being ran over by the most cars driven with the most beautiful woman in IL. If you want to run me over please leave me a message. Every time a woman runs me over and parks her car on me, she will have a picture taken of her standing on me for the records. If your the world record breaker driver, you may have you picture with your car on me in the world record book as the woman to break the run over record!"






Tempting. But how does his peen stay intact?

"Want a girl who would gain some weight - 29"

"I've always found it sexy to see a girl put on weight. I'm interesting in connecting with a girl who would be willing to put on 30 lbs or more. Would take you out to eat. Cook for you. Massage your feet while you eat ice cream or cheesecake. Worship each pound you put on."


I think every girl with an eating disorder just came in their pants.

"NO!!!!! I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU !!!! - 36"

"What is with all the Women on CL just looking for sex????? I am not that kinda guy!!!!

I have gone out with 2 women from here and all the wanted to do was get me in bed..WTF????

What has this world come to?

should not be craigslist..it should be sexlist..

and if you are going to try to take me out to dinner.. you better send a pic...if you are looking for a easy guy..head over to the casual encounter page....I am not a slut...

I feel so used..........."




I usually don't bother including the pictures from these postings, but this was too good to pass up. Pleasepleasepleaseplease be real.

"neva done this b4, so lets c wuz good.."

"Ok so diz my forst time aight!!.. lol I'm str8 up down 2 earth person I have many great friends that truly appreciate my friendship bu yet I haven't met da special1.. I'm very outgoing I like going to bars n clubs bu I don mind staying a home w a love1 jst killing time, I'm realy independent in which I mean I have my own place n my own cars.. I really shouldn't be trying things like this bu O' watta hell.. lol ok ok so I kno diz important.. I'm 24ys old I'm 5' 7" I'm hispanic I'm 145lbs I Don't have problems meeting new ppl, I jst like trying out sum diff once in a While u kno???.. lol.... so wa u doin thiz weekend?.. wanna meet up?"


A str8 up down 2 earth person? Sounds like an oxymoron to me.

"Unfortunate flatulence problem"

"Morbidly obese web-toed underwear model with extra limb (you guess where?) who likes eating mayonnaise and raw garlic sandwiches seeks healthy girl without identifying scars - must have all her own teeth, recite alphabet backwards in Swahili and sweat freely and often, for romantic and passionate first date - NO Tongue. Must enjoy being bored & lonely. Your body shot gets mine by carrier pigeon return post."


LOLZ

"Conservative, Christian, ehtnic Hillbilly - 29"

"Hello. The headline says it all. I am conservative, a Christian, and an ethnic Hillbilly.

I an a 29 year old single white male ... I love country music ... I work with men who work in the sun all day, and develop "red" tans on their necks that are semi permanent. We commonly call each other "rednecks" with affection. I am a God fearing man, so please be right with God. This is a must. I do own a pickup truck, her name is Big Red.

I hold my conservative values close, and am a man of my principles. If you are a liberal who believes in killing babies, or wants to see gay marriage become legal, or are a devout obama lover, please pass me by your wasting your time.

Things I enjoy: Ridding my bike in the park, driving, watching movies, working on my truck, working on my computer, working with my tools, or just working general. I like good conversations, country fried potatoes, road trips that head south, Sarah Palin, playing with my cat Cletus, visiting my family, Ice tea on a hot day and hot tea on a cold day, The Irish, Church, and many other things."



As a liberal, killing babies is definitely one of my favorite past times. However, I'm still unclear about what "ethnic hillbilly" means, exactly. Anyone?

"May I See Your Boobs (covered or bare) in Pics or on Cam? - 30"

"Thank you for considering it. :)"



This is the most polite personal I've ever read.

"Bored? let's have a tickle fight - 24"

"tickling has been shown to decrease boredom. and INCREASE fun."



I'm pretty sure tickling is only fun if you're under ten or listed on the sex offender registry. Extra fun if both are in the same room.

"Obsessed w/ the weather or the weather channel ? - 34"

"Hello, 34 WM in NW burbs who is also obsessed with the outside weather and watching the weather channel. Looking for cool female to hang out with and watch weather channel. Yeah I know I'm weird- get over it. Age - race- build is unimportant. There is just something distictly sexy about listening to that Muzak style music as the local weather on the 8's scrolls by. If you ever fantasized about kissing or making out while live weather streams in the background contact me. Besides my obsession with weather I'm a perfectly normal guy."




Why don't you, I don't know, go outside?

"Vampires or skilled kuhuters, I nead yur hlp, blood letting.edit edit - 25

"LAME, I HAVE TO MESS WITH THIS MESSAGE A ALOT

Do you know about blood letting, will you help get about a pint of blood out of me, please, I am very serious.

NOT JOKING, so please don't send me mean messages, I'm not looking for suggestions like go to a doctor. I would like to do this at home, perferably mine, but yours will do too.
( maybe we could use the blood to write a letter, idk, I planned on washing it down the drain, maybe I could jar it, talk to me.


I am not ugly, I am short, athletic, I make a living running, and i love to dance"




Maybe you can pen the next installment of Twilight with it.

"Would You Have Sex With A Priest? - 29"

"Think of the children, dammit!!"



Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, amirite?

"I want to smoke your pubes - 28"

"Come over, we'll have a nice dinner maybe some fettuccine or whatever, then watch a great movie like Cool Runnings or Lethal Weapon 2 and then you'll shave your vagina and sprinkle it into a tremendous joint that I'm rolling. Then I'll smoke it. I'll pay for your taxi home."



Boring.

"DO YOU HAVE IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME?? - 36"

"All kidding aside, I want the exact opposite of some nasty chick that spends a half hour everyday on the pot stinking up the bathroom. I am looking for the girl that will never break wind in my presence. The girl I am after knows to run the shower if she is going to take a crap, to cover up the noise and smell. This should be standard operating procedure for every bowel movement.

If you believe the ANUS is HEINOUS and are interested in a guy that wished he never had to take a crap again then shoot me your pics. Maybe we were meant for each other, two souls that are ashamed of their bodily functions that want to find true love with a like minded individual."




A lady never has bowel movements.

"Pathetic Worm wants to smell your foot odor"

"Have you ever wanted to humiliate a guy by forcing him to worship your feet. Have you ever wanted to watch someone suffer under your feet? I'm a white pathetic worm that loves to have a woman get her feet as smelly as possible and tape my mouth shut so i have to smell them all night long. No sex and you call all the shots. Maybe i'm blindfolded before i even see who you are, so all i know about you is how bad your feet smell."


A lady's feet never emit an unpleasant odor.

"Something Everlasting -31"

"SBM seeks SWF to impregnate. I am getting older and having no real interest to be a part of a family I feel I can at least reproduce. Who wants to make a pretty brown baby?"


This planet is already overpopulated.