"Need To Be Breastfed - 45"

"Generous good looking MWM needs to be breastfed by lactating female. No sex necessary. Could be a casual thing or blossom into a relationship depending on if we connect."



Mommy issues, anyone?

"Where U Latin Men at Ova 30? - 28"

"DANG where is the ova 30 dudes at?

Dont nobody still like to hold hands and kiss after a homemade meal??? What happened to to steak and greens dinners WITH dinner rolls, corn and salad,mashed potatoes and peach cobler!!! dang dang guess i'm just old fashioned huh?

i'm looking for a decent guy---caring TRUELY hardworking intelligent, likes the outdoors and romantic drives MUST know Jesus Please


Please Fools I have quite a bit to offer i want the same HAVE SOMETHING dang, a crib? work? a brain? career? HELLO"



Get it gurl.

"call me mr flinstone i can make ur bed rock lolz - 18"

"if you are a woman txt me


NO SINGLE MEN


will accept couples


no gay shit for real"



NO GAY SHIT FOR REAL LOLZ ROFL!!!!111!!!

"Seeking Cuckoldress - 46"

"I am a caring, compassionate and even romantic sugar daddy type man that has become inclined to be a cuckold in an LTR. I am looking for a woman who would describe herself politely as "uninhibited" because she feels ready to settle down emotionally but wants to have a wider variety of sexual experiences. In this regard, I will be supportive and helpful in allowing and finding her lovers, especially well endowed men, while I remain completely and 100% faithful."


I haven't heard the term "cuckold" since reading Chaucer.

"Are you into Beastiality?? - 27"

"Looking for a woman who enjoys sex with her dog or any type of animal. Just recently discovered this and I wanna learn more, watch, and help in which ever way I can... I am real but there is no way in hell I am putting up my picture.. Email me and put in the Subject Line "K9 Time" so I know you are real... Willing to do whatever it takes to be a part of this experience...."



This hurts my heart.

"Any Women Into Incest Role Play - Daddy/Daughter - Brother/Sister - 32"

"If you are, we should chat...interested in role play and real life story swapping...I've been with my sister and role played brother sister and daddy daughter with girlfriends in the past.
It's hot, real hot. Explore the taboo...let freak out of the bag and let's chat"



Why role play when you've already been with your sister?

"Crazy, Does that make me? - 23"

"A crazy man will hit you, berate you, abuse you, lie to you, and treat you like trash. I will take my medicine, talk to myself, pace the room, rock in place, see things that aren't there, and keep irregular sleeping hours. These two men have some similarities; they will hide all of the aforementioned in a hope to impress you, and you will try to leave both. The former you cant leave because of fear, the latter you cant leave out of love. A bad man will keep you beneath him to make himself feel big. A good man will keep to his side to make himself feel complete."



Would you rather...

"Creepy older white guy looking for 18-22 year old SBF - 37"

"I'm a divorced white male, 5'10", 140 pounds, going through a mid-life crisis. I'm looking for a younger black female (18-22) to make me feel young again. I don't care if you're short, tall, thick or thin, just be black. If you have some unresolved daddy issues, I'd love to help you work through them. Your pic gets mine, I'd love to meet up this weekend."



I'm no psychiatrist, but I'm guessing having sex with a "daddy" figure isn't going to resolve your unresolved "daddy issues."

"Cutey Patootey!! - 21"

"I want money for a car....you want companionship. Let's make it happen. You will not be dissapointed."




How bold. Though I'm already disappointed by your typo.

"Looking for a Great Girl with Herpes - 29"

"So I am one of the 1 in 4 with herpes. I got it from my ex-girlfriend who wasn't honest about it. It is not the end of the world and definitley not a big deal at all other than the social stigma attached to it. I am looking for someone in the same boat or who is willing to accept it."



A girl with herpes, sure. But a GREAT girl with herpes? That's asking too much.

"Marriage Arrangement - 27"

"I am looking for a unique situation. I am looking for marriage arrangement that is not initially based on love, but hopefully would grow into more over time. Our marriage will consist of me being your cute, devoted companion who will please you in every way and be at your beck and call. I will be your perfect domestic diva who will cook, clean, do laundry, run all your errands and more! In return, you will allow me to be a sexy, stay-at-home housewife. I am open to the possibility of kids as well. I have a pretty good sex drive and I'm very sexually adventurous so you will definitely be satisfied in the bedroom."



Why didn't I think of this?

"looking for a woman thats flat chested - 55"

"There really isn't anything special about large breasts,small breasts,any size breasts,breasts are breasts and everyone has them. and as far as nipples.some guys like women with large nipples.i myself am a man and i have 3 nipples.thats how i was made.unusual,maybe.The good thing about a woman that is flat chested,is that women look good when they are flat chested.lets face it, breasts on a woman are only good for two things. 1.to feed their children and 2.a mans toy for about 5 seconds.after the 5 seconds,there is no more mystery.Personally i was breast fed by my mom until i was 5,probably because cows milk made me sick.so if you are flat chested and are tired of wearing a bra that doesn't do you any good because there is nothing to hold in them, maybe we should get together."


I think the real issue here is that you were breast-fed until you were five. Maybe you should look into that. With a therapist.

"Do you get an occasional cold sore? - 50"

"DWM in his 50's, tall at 5f9 and average build looking for a lady to share dinner, drinks, or a movie with. I get a cold sore very rarily and it is a 50/50 chance that I find a partner that may get them too. It is not a big deal if you just know about it."


Tall at 5'9"? Please.

"looking for conversation with high-school aged girl - 34"

"Are you a bored high-school aged girl (13-17) looking for some conversation with an older guy?
If so, write me and put your age in the subject line! :)"



I think they call this pedophelia.

"Midget - 18"

"I have a fantasy of fuckin a midget. I want to be able to pick you up flip you around and do everything you desire please send a pic if you interested"


I think Chelsea Handler would find this very offensive.

"Anyone in Need of a Crazy Stalker Girl?"

"I'll show up on your doorstep, ring it three times and then walk away meekly, but really be hiding around the corner calling you half a dozen times. In addition, I will also text you a thousand times a day. These texts will consist of the craziest things you've ever read, for I am well read and have an active imagination.

I'll call you three times a day, begging you to talk to you, mainly in the throes of a delusional fit. To everyone else, I will seem completely normal... I will go to work and school and put a smile on my face, but to you, I will be completely insane. I will save myself for you in the insane belief that one day we can be together.

I will watch as you date other women and tell me how much you hate me, and I'll wait... I'll wait because I am delusional... unless, and I highly doubt this, I'm able to meet someone else, that doesn't hate me... Here's the benefits: I don't cheat, I'm not an alcoholic club kid, I'm a masochist who enjoys being treated like shit, I have a steady job and my own money (not a gold-digger, but not rich enough to take you out to fancy restaurants *at least not yet*) I'm loyal and when not being batshit insane, have a decent sense of humor (mainly consisting of jokes really retarded facts and old memes) know my sci-fi, my geography, my philosophy, have a zombie contingency plan and will watch you play video games.

Maybe I'll lock myself in my apartment or move back to my parents house and lock myself in my room and write about how hope is a thing with feathers until I die an old maid in my room."



I hope this is just someone with an awesome, twisted sense of humor. But the list of "benefits" throws me off.

"Doctor for Exam - 34"

"Im looking for a doctor or someone that likes to play one for a very complete invasive medical exam. I would like to come to your office, but if that isnt possible, I will come to your home. Some of the procedures that I enjoy include, blood pressure, stethoscope exams, prostate and rectal exams"


What's sexy about someone taking your blood pressure?

"Get a houseboy to clean your place FREE - 27"

"i am a 27 year old man, and i am truly interested in finding a woman who wants a real houseboy. i really feel that Women deserve to be pampered and worshipped. Which is why i am writing You to offer service to You. i am a houseboy at heart, and love to clean, dust, vacuum, do dishes, etc... of course i am great at laundry, folding and putting away. i can also cook."


I wonder what the catch is.

"boared and periced - 29"

"just boared boared boared"



That piercing must be cutting off all the circulation to your brain if you can't even spell BORED.

"Passionate, no condoms, leave it to fate sex tonight - 35"

"Are there any spontaneous women willing to throw caution to the wind tonight and feel a passionate lover explode deep inside her as many times as possible tonight? Please be able to host, Let's chat about it and go from there."


No no no no no no no no.

"Do you make bootydance videos? - 27"

"Do you make bootydance videos at home shakin your hotass to hotbeats?

I want to see you shake your thang and talk dirty to you.

Shoot me a line and let me see you shake it."



My specialty.

"Ill trade a 12 Pk of Bud Light for your wifes pussy - 53"

"And Ill throw in some chips and salsa."



This one actually made me LOL.

"Seeking fit womans used, dirty panties - m4w - 22"

"Hey looking for clean, athletic woman who has some extra panties, or hasnt done laundry and be interested in offer her dirty panties, message me asap give me a price and lets talk"



Should have sold that pair we found Sophomore year when we had the chance.

"looking for a nice koo mami - 20"

"HAYYYY U HAVE A SWEET SEXY DOWN TO EARTH MAMITA HERE JUST LOOKING FOR FRIENDS AND THEN MAY BE MORE

A LIL ABOUT ME I HAVE A LIL PART TIME BUT LOOKIN FOR A FULL TIME JUST FINISHED SKOOL I DONT SMOKE I DRINK ONECE IN A WILE IM SINGLE BY CHOSE BE CUZ I KN IM NOT UGLY LOL I AM LOOKING FOR A WIFEY TYPE SO SERIOUS PPLZ ONLI NO FUN AND PLAY AND SEX NONE OF THAT I LIKE CLEAN RESPECTFUL WOMAN IF THATS U HIT ME UP PLZ HAVE A PIC ON HERE OR E MAIL MUAZZZ TE VEYO ORITA"



You were required by law to go to school. Why are you twenty years old and so incapable of basic spelling and grammar?